People Pleasing is Canceled
As a recovering people pleaser and perfectionist, I have found myself in situations where I was dishonest or deceitful because I didn’t want to disappoint someone, didn’t want to be seen as a failure or didn’t want someone to think less of me.
I’d avoid confrontation or self-advocacy just so that I didn’t make anyone uncomfortable [I know, I know, it made me cringe just typing it out].
Now how ass backwards does that sound? Not only was I allowing myself to be a liar, but I was also denying myself the opportunity to persevere, heal and learn from my missteps. I made a habit of making myself small for the sake of someone else’s comfort. I repelled boundaries in the name of making someone else happy.
I did all of that self-sabotaging just so that I could appear perfect, while simultaneously plummeting into depression and getting further from God’s calling on my life.
But y’all already know how God moves – He wasn’t (and still isn’t) done with me yet.
As I deepened my relationship with God, I gained wisdom about how much power I was giving to other people. I was letting shame and guilt dictate my life and take me out of character. I wasn’t living for God, but for other people. Hence, I was losing my zest for life and losing sight of myself.
I tried to think of what advice I would give my friends if they came to me feeling how I felt. Then it hit me – if I can confess my desires, victories, sins, shortcomings and fears to God, then why is it so difficult for me to be just as honest with the people in my life?
There is no one of earth that can do even an ounce of what God can for me. Only God can transform me into the woman I am supposed to be. Only God can heal me. Most importantly, only God can judge me.
So, if you are like me and have an unfortunate knack for people pleasing, I encourage you to shift your focus to what God thinks of you and not what other people think of you.
Tips that help combat people pleasing:
- Consider this a fact…Forgiveness = Freedom
- Be present
- Speak positive words/phrases of affirmations to yourself daily, preferably in prayer. Speak on the highest version of you; Manifest him/her.
- Every time you think about a mistake you made, follow up with something good about yourself or something good that you did. Write it down if you have time.
xoxoxo,
DASH
Alan B Hawkes
Stay strong 💪🏾🙏🏽
Anonymous
💪🏾💪🏾
Kiana
I remember I used to be in this same predicament. When I look back my mother was a people pleaser, that is how I pick this bad habit up. It took a friend pin pointing it out. I had to reflect on past relationships even my friendship with my childhood friend.
I was telling people what they wanted to hear, draining me, stressing me out,losing my sanity.And it was reflecting on my life as far as my health, finances, type of environment I was staying at.
I had to cut people off that wasn’t putting value in my life. I can say it is more peaceful. I’m more cautious, observant of the people I come contact with. And I don’t hold my input for nobody. That is why I’ve inherent the character of fearless, standing up when it is time for my voice to be heard. If my voice need to be heard to represent my family that I will do. People pleasing definitely a level you have to overcome in order to get to the next level.
DASH
I love this for you!
It’s so liberating to even identify the issue – it’s just a matter of sticking to our plans, maintaining boundaries and everything in between.
Thank you for sharing with me. I really believe that these sort of conversations are what’s going to uplift our communities from within.