In My Own Skin
I’ve spent most of my life not being comfortable in my own skin. After months of therapy and 12-step work in AA, I have a little bit of an understanding of why I felt that way.
My least favorite reason is that I was hyper-focused on what I thought other people thought of me. Since that’s where most of my focus went, that didn’t leave much left to spend time on getting to know myself. Without an identity, I let anything define me.
And so over the years, I made decisions that didn’t serve me. I dated people that didn’t value me. I drank to feel more comfortable around people. I said things I didn’t always agree with. I basically created a host of masks…and that eventually got very exhausting and mentally chaotic.
I’m more fortunate than most; I had friends and family who truly saw me and loved me for me. They nurtured the best parts of me and challenged my character flaws when necessary. They prayed with and for me. They offered me help when I wasn’t wise enough to ask for it.
So finally, after years of avoiding what made me run from myself, I started therapy and the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. With help, I started facing hard, weird parts of my past. We noticed patterns of seeking validation, codependency, selfishness, victimization, avoidance, and all sorts of fun stuff 
As uncomfortable and cringe as the process has been, it’s brought me to a place of freedom that is difficult to put into words. I guess this is what it feels like to have a solid foundation in Christ…to be comfortable in my own skin…to have peace that transcends all understanding on this journey of life.
I’ve heard the notion that it is important to know who you are and what you stand for, but now I understand how important it is to know what defines you. God defines me – not me, the newest social media trend, my favorite influencer, or my most recent goals in life. God’s Word is true, consistent, and irrefutable. So my mood and circumstances don’t affect my identity and the values I live by anymore.
God’s Word says that I am “no longer a slave but God’s own child. And since you are His child, God has made you His heir.” (Galatians 4:7). I often say to myself “You are the daughter of a king” because I need to act accordingly. I remind myself that God is a good father who loves me and wants to give me the desires of my heart, should I just delight in Him (Psalms 37:4). I revisit Proverbs 19:21 so that I don’t get overwhelmed trying to achieve my goals on my own; If He called me to do something, I will achieve it.
Life makes more sense these days. I have more clarity, more peace, and a sense of fullness that I could never grab hold of before. I was missing out on so much by not seeking God, including my identity and purpose. I thank God for His Word and for placing people in my life who helped me get to know Him better and find myself in the process.
xoxoxo,
DASH
