Don’t Run

It’s such a good feeling to not be running from anything today – myself, my past, my future, fears, insecurities, strengths, potential, dreams, goals, setbacks…none of it. With God, faith, family, and friends, I face it all. And I don’t crumble.

I didn’t realize how much of my life I’ve spent avoiding what made me uncomfortable. I would lie on so many levels to myself and others to avoid discomfort – pretend, omit, and put on a facade as if it was my second job. As a result, there was a heaviness I always carried around with me that I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

I’d change relationships, jobs, fitness regimens, hobbies, and cities…none of it was enough to fill this unexplainable hole in my soul.

What I know now is that this hole was God-sized. Only God would give me the support, courage, and guidance to face my past, my weaknesses, my mistakes, my dreams, and my fears.  

God freed me from myself. God freed me from this false narrative that I had to be perfect to be happy, that I had to be accepted by others for life to have meaning. 

I was making life hard for myself. I didn’t ask for help when I desperately needed it. I’d keep pushing forward without dealing with hard times, so I dragged a lot of heavy baggage around with me into each new chapter of my life. Eventually, I got so overwhelmed that I started drinking to escape reality. All this did was deepen my pain more quickly. I got so lost and didn’t know how to find my way back to the light.

Thank God for friends. Thank God for family.  Thank God for His love and compassion. Without God and God-fearing community, I don’t know where I’d be. 

I’m thankful that I don’t have to run from my imperfections and mistakes. I’m thankful that I don’t run from uncertainties and difficulties. I’m thankful that I can ask for help and be willing to receive it. I’m thankful that I’m free from the bondage of trying to be God instead of depending on Him to help me live the life that He blessed me with. 

xoxoxo,
DASH