But God!

Sure, life is looking really bleak in a lot of areas right now….BUT GOD.

Because of God’s love, the one thing that I’m certain about is that I will get through every obstacle I’m facing.

I respect that we all have different walks of faith, however, I can only speak from my own experience. With that being said….I HIGHLY recommend giving God a try if you haven’t.

God saves my life, in the most literal sense, everyday, all day long. In my most shameful, cruel, inadequate, lonely, hopeless moments He A L W A Y S lifts me up. 

God is the reason I even have the courage to be open about the parts of my life that, quite frankly, are a hot ass mess. He reminds me that, even in all of my brokenness, I still have so much purpose in me, even if I’m not always sure exactly what that purpose is. 

If I can reach just one person that needs to hear this, and that person then turns to God…I will have helped save a life they way God saves mine. 

See, as hard-headed as I can be, I’ve certainly learned that God IS the only way I will ever truly LIVE. When I say “live”, I mean more than simply existing and being alive. More than letting life happen to me and reacting to every curveball thrown at me. 

I’m talking about being present in every moment we’re blessed to experience. I’m talking about not needing anyone to validate you. I’m talking about having confidence that can’t be shaken because you know you’re so wonderfully made in God’s eyes. I’m talking about having joy even when you have lost your job, apartment and relationship because you KNOW God doesn’t play about you and would never turn away from you.

I need y’all to really hear me though. 

I’ve been severely depressed for the past few months. I should honestly consider a career in acting because I played a helluva role pretending to be “fine”. I smiled. I dated. I called my friends. I went out. I worked hard. I worked out. I prayed. I offered encouraging and kind words to others. I looked good. I was able to mask this from own family.

And inside I was crumbling. Waking up to an anxiety attack became my new norm. Tears became a daily occurrence. Food wasn’t a priority. Drinking felt like a necessity. I lost nearly 15 pounds in a matter of two weeks.

Yet and still…I always knew God  wasn’t through with me. So…I prayed through every anxiety attack. I forgave myself even though I knew I didn’t deserve it. I was kind to others even after the crying sessions. I started to share my struggles with my co-workers at the time, my family and friends. 

And you know what – I can’t take credit for any of it. God is responsible for my strength, my healing, my resilience, my courage.

So, I know I said a mouthful after going ghost for months (again). I appreciate you even reading this far. I know it’s Friday lol.

My main point is – God can really get you right, no matter what you’re facing. 

It’s not always going to look pretty; I “Kim K cried” the entire time I wrote this, but I damn sure felt like I could breathe again once I was done. 

I have a renewed clarity that allows me to logically sort my thoughts so that I’m not hyper-focused on what’s wrong, what could go wrong, what I did wrong and what’s wrong with me. 

I can see the blessings. I can re-grasp hope. I can love on myself. I can combat the lies that anxiety and depression tell me. I can take care of my body, mind and soul. 

And I desperately want that for anyone that is battling anxiety, depression, addiction, disorder, health battles, loss and every hardship in between. 

I love you all and I know we can do this. I’m excited to see our beautiful lives flourish beyond our wildest dreams. Keep fighting. 

xoxoxo,

DASH